Live a Life Full of Vitality!

Jan 29, 2012 by HHNSTAFF

Heather M Hunter, MA, MBSP

I see many clients in my practice living life in “survival-mode”.  They often feel stressed, drained, overwhelmed and burnt-out. Their physical bodies are achy, sluggish, and prone to illness and injury.  Some of these same clients are seeking my services for what they believe to be issues and problems unrelated to their physical distress. When I detect the symptoms and discomfort of their physical body, a typical response I hear is, “Oh, I have been feeling like that so long I don’t even notice it anymore.”

In the evolution of the human—particularly American–culture, working hard and even suffering, has become exalted.  It is almost commonplace to hear everyone swapping stories about stressful days, deadlines, and “pressure” from their families. So we gather together to commiserate.  After all, misery loves company.  In fact, we often look with envy and judgment at someone who seems to have it together .  Envy is a very disempowering and isolating emotion. Consider instead that such individuals may have found a sense of peace and balance through setting limits, establishing boundaries with others, and perhaps most significantly by honoring their self-needs to re-energize.

Some of you may say to yourselves it’s not that simple, yet that too is another disempowering and very American myth: nothing comes easy.  In a sense, American culture has been immersed in a pessimistic belief system for centuries.  That phrase is a disempowering false myth . We all would benefit from permanently removing it from our vocabularies. False beliefs and myths are toxic psychologically, emotionally, and yes, physically, as I am often able to assess where unhealthy cognitive processes and beliefs are manifesting in a client’s physical symptoms.   . While it is true that working through and removing false and negative beliefs does not happen instantaneously, it is one process which is highly effective at bringing more balance into one’s life.

 By subscribing to limiting and profoundly disempowering beliefs, we buy into a myth that regular and constant suffering is a normal and expected part of life.  These beliefs deplete the physical body and the immune system. Furthermore, often underneath the cultural belief there exists a personal belief of being less than, or unworthy. The enjoyment of life requires a willingness to make YOU a priority, and a belief that you are worthy to do so.  This is incredibly difficult for some people, who cannot relax without guilt when they finally do make time for a creative or enjoyable outlet, or even when indulging in something as simple as an afternoon nap.

 Ironically, a stressful life can serve a deeper purpose for those lacking self-esteem. Being over-worked, over-scheduled and over-burdened is another form of escapism.  For those lacking a solid and positive sense of self, being exceedingly busy is one way to avoid having to address something painful and uncomfortable deep within one’s self, or within one’s personal relationships.   In psychology, an individual with a martyr complex is someone who seeks out suffering, particularly by over-taxing oneself in taking care of others and everything outside of their own needs, which in itself fulfills a psychological need. They may want to appear and feel needed and important and believe their self-sacrifice is proof of being a “good person.”  They subconsciously tie their self-worth to their external behaviors and how much they are able to “do”.  Often they value themselves so little they refuse to honor their own needs, feeling extremely selfish and guilty with any attempt to do so.  Another situation I commonly see is those who refuse to accept help, attention, and nurturing from others, yet paradoxically resent those close to them for not coming to their aid or comfort.  All of these are examples of poor self-esteem and adhering to disempowering belief systems and thought processes.

When I sense unworthiness in a client, I immediately know that any of his or her life issues or crises we may address will not fully improve until the underlying wound, or false belief, is healed.  An analogy would be putting a band aid over an infected open wound. The wound may close, but the painful infection still lies beneath. So while limiting beliefs and myths are highly prevalent in our society as well as within individuals, the good news is that by simply identifying and altering such beliefs, and learning to address and honor our personal needs, we can move closer to more joyful and empowered living. I believe that any suffering can be transitory, and that we all deserve to live fulfilling and joyful lives.

Heather M. Hunter, M.A., MBSP

Member, American Holistic Medical Association